Query Quest: Feedback Anyone?

If you’re a regular reader then you’ve noticed I have been silent for weeks. I spelunked (that’s a word isn’t it?) deep into the editing cave and only just emerged.

The First Writer and Editor: 'Take out that part?! Are you nuts? How is the stampede scene at the end of the cave going to make sense without it?!'

I’ve got two manuscripts that are currently in revisions, one – The Broken Trail – about to emerge ready to query.  So that means it’s time for the Query Quest.

I wish.

I wish.

This novel has been on the quest once before, this past spring, but only to a few select agents and it was resoundingly rejected – not a single request.  So I went back to CPs and beta readers and sought more feedback.  After cutting the opening scene (which I loved) that was all backstory, adding back a subplot I had previously edited out, and changing the ending to include a bit more trials for the lovers to endure before their HEA, it’s about ready.

Now for the query. I would love some feedback on this from folks who haven’t read the MS since the prospective agents won’t have either.  Please feel free to be as blunt as you like – I can take it.

I can take it.

I am seeking representation for my manuscript, THE BROKEN TRAIL, a contemporary inspirational romance complete at 75,000 words.

Dr. Katherine Grant takes the job at Sweet River Christian Academy thinking a small school in the wilderness of Maine sounds like a vacation. But on her first day she is snubbed by the director, finds her rental house is actually a ramshackle cabin, and ends up nearly arrested by the stone-cold, but annoyingly attractive Captain MacAlister. As the scar running down her face attests, Katherine’s a survivor and she plans to put her whole heart into her battle to save the school and its students from an administrator on a power trip. It would be an easier fight if her heart wasn’t such a broken thing and if she hadn’t already begun to give it away.

Mac doesn’t need the kind of trouble Katherine brings. He’s got enough to deal with from pushy tourists, drug crime, and the lousy economy forcing good people to do bad things. In a tailspin following the death of his wife, Mac gave himself rules to protect his heart and maintain his faith, like the rule to avoid women. But the day he meets Katherine, he breaks it. He’s like a moth to her flame, drawn in by her perseverance and strength, getting burned by her quick temper. When he’s shot in the line of duty everything changes as Katherine can’t hide her feelings. Mac convinces her to take a chance with him, even though they argue more than they agree, even though he knows her contract is up in a few months.

Mac’s faithful love is like nothing Katherine has ever experienced, but she’s been alone for more than a decade, content to think it was God’s will. Now she has a choice to make; trust in Mac’s love, or stay safe, dedicated to her career alone. And she has to hurry. June is coming and with it the end of her contract. If she can’t decide, time will do it for her.

I have a BA in English and Sociology from Gordon College and am a member of the RWA. My short story, The Beach Rose was published in the contemporary romance anthology Summer’s Sweet Embrace in August of this year.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Well folks, that’s it.  Please sound off in the comments or tweet me with your feedback.

Thank you!

Like a boss.

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