Next weekend marks the start of the vacation I used to set a deadline for myself weeks ago when life wasn’t so hard. Today I have to admit, I am nowhere near reaching the finish line. In the last week I have started writing again which is good, but it’s too little, too late. At least the deadline was one I set for myself. I’ve only disappointed me versus my publisher or anyone else.

If you’re a regular reader you know that in the first week of June, my little brother died. He had been living with us and was driving our car when the accident occurred that took his life. If you’ve ever lost someone close to you, then you know there’s grief and then there’s the grinding pain of the paperwork of death. The funeral must be planned, the obituary written, the life of your loved one must be processed and closed. In our modern age, there are digital ghosts we must deal with as well – the cell phone, the social media accounts. The day after my brother died, mail came to the house with his name on it. Just a few days ago, a package arrived, shirts he had ordered before he died. These are poignant and painful reminders of a life lost.

It’s been hard to think about the characters in my book, much less write anything for them. Slowly, I am getting back to it. Mostly it’s a quick sketch of a scene, a few lines of dialog. I’m hoping the vacation week I thought I’d use to polish the first draft will instead to a chance to finish it. I’m going to give myself a break on missing this deadline. But I’m not going to give myself a pass on getting back to writing the book. I’m remembering back to the start of the year when I was learning the lesson that habit and discipline matter. Inspiration is ephemeral. Sometimes you have to chase that stuff down.